Walking in a Venture Fundingland

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you know I like to do a holiday song parody at the end of each year.  I love both comedy and music, and if I didn’t have a singlng voice that could raise the dead I could have been the next Weird Al Yankovic.  Lord knows I have the hair for it.

So here it is, my last post for the annus horribilis that was 2016: a new entrepreneurial anthem to ring in the New Year (or at least the JP Morgan conference): Thriving Here in Venture Fundingland.

You know that part in the How the Grinch Stole Christmas where the Grinch and Max and the Whoville Whos are holding hands around the giant tree singing in unison (Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores….)? Just picture the startup teams you know hand in hand, encircling their obligatory ping pong table and singing my song with their venture investors. Yeah, yeah, I know.  No one wants to hold hands with venture capitalists; but that’s what the Whos once said about the Grinch, so one can dream.

Happy Holidays to all my friends and followers!

Thriving Here in Venture Fundingland 

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

NASDAQ bell rings
Are you listening?
Sand Hill Road
Term sheet glistening
A beautiful sight
We're debt-free tonight
Closing here in venture fundingland

Gone away, is the bridge round
Series A, is now inbound
The syndicate‘s strong
Let’s hope they sing our song
Launching here in venture fundingland

In the valley we can build a startup
And write software til we’re all face down
We’ll say yes we’re harried
But it’s OK man,
‘Cuz if we don’t succeed
Next round is down

Later on
We'll conspire
As we dream of values higher
To face unafraid
The Board that we've made
Growth hacking here in venture fundingland

Build the team
No vacation
Chase the dream
Innovation!
With ROI in sight
VCs use pre-emptive rights
Traction here in venture fundingland

Cash burn, we’re optimizing
To avoid a big downsizing
Bring investors along
Pivot when we’re wrong
Scaling here in venture fundingland

In the valley we can build a Newco
And pretend we know what’s in the cloud
Wear black turtlenecks and work in stealth mode
And exit long before markets melt down

When it pays
Ain't it thrilling
By skin of teeth, make a killing
We'll frolic and play, drive our Teslas away
Surviving here in venture fundingland
Thriving here in venture fundingland