Made America Safe Again – New Business Opportunities Brought to You by the Vaccine!

Now that the COVID-19 vaccine has hit the mainstream, or at least an infinitesimal portion of the mainstream so far, it seems to me that the time has come for the related business opportunities to be brought to light. Just imagine, the world’s largest total addressable market (TAM for those “in the know”) is about to be readily identifiable, so if you’re an entrepreneur, the time is now to go for the gusto. Yes, I am a business strategist in at least half of my day job, so I figured I’d provide this list as a public service. You’re welcome.

While a 6-12 month opportunity, someone should emblazon T-shirts with the slogan, “I got the vaccine and all you got was this lousy t-shirt.” These could be sold in hospital gift shops or other places where vaccinated healthcare workers congregate so they can pick up a few for their unvaccinated family members, at least for now. Later these same T-shirts can be repurposed for next year’s corporate white elephant party gift giving activity and labelled “vintage.”

Spa service delivery at vaccine delivery locations – Hey, you’re sitting there already; why not get a Botox shot (two for the price of one!) or a manicure while you’re sitting there with your arm out. Lord knows many are missing having these services regularly but imagine the efficiency…

Corona (beer) delivery service – for those who are feeling some strange sense of guilt for having had the shot before their friends, assuage your guilt by bringing Corona into your home the old-fashioned way – in brown bottles…

And speaking of alcohol, how about a Shot in a Shot party game? There is a clear opportunity to package tequila shots in syringe-shaped bottles and distribute those at local universities. Kids may have to wait a while to get the real vaccinations, but this can just tide them over while they are thinking of signing up for….

A new Dating Site based on vaccine status – just think, Match, Tinder, Hinge and all the rest are loaded with people who haven’t yet been vaccinated. The time is NOW to start a dating site for those who have been vaccinated. Perhaps it could be called VacciNation. Or Tender(arm).com or even Batch.com, where “batch” refers to the batch/lot from which your own vaccination came – lower numbers are more desirable matches….

Restaurant only for the vaccinated – talk about the world’s most exclusive club! Those lucky few can actually EAT INSIDE among other people. Can you imagine? I can barely remember those days. There could even be a section for those who got both shots already – kind of a special velvet rope area but where the rope is made of syringes…

And in a similar vein (get it?!)…Concerts for the vaccinated – life entertainment has been the thing many have missed most during the pandemic and artists have been attempting to move their arena shows to the online medium. But why should everyone have to suffer in front of the small screen watching the Boss on Zoom? Let’s vaccinate some artists and let their fellow antibody bearers join the show in person! Instead of waving lighters, they can wave vaccine ID cards.

And speaking of vaccine ID cards….Designer vaccine ID card holders – yes, the government or some pharmacy may issue you a flimsy cardboard card saying you got your shot, but how do you both keep this safe and also show off your new-found status as being nearly cootie-free?  With a Prada Vaccine Card holder of course! Or if you’re the sporty type, get one from the NBA Store…Millenials, get yours from Epic Games or Glossier. I’m confident this will be the accessory of the year.  Next year’s accessory will be pants.

And last but not least…

MASA hats – yes, it’s a bit of a take on an existing accessory, but this one stands for Made America Safe Again. All the cool people will have them…

If you are reading this and have decided it is too soon or in poor taste, well, sorry – not sorry. If you can’t find your sense of humor and have a laugh right now, you can only cry. And I haven’t yet figured out a way of distributing my coronavirus Kleenex box holders quite yet. In the meantime I’m having them printed with “It’s not COVID, it’s allergies, I swear!”

Happy holidays everyone. They’re weird this year, but hopefully next year Santa won’t need a reindeer-hide mask. Warm Regards to my Readers far and wide.