Okay, I know it’s kind of cheating, but I am re-posting my column from New Year’s 2011 where I turned Auld Lang Syne into an ode to venture capital. Why? you ask. Because I haven’t been able to come up with another decent New Year’s song to parody and I have been drinking far too much this holiday season to come up with something entirely new. Let’s hope that some of that cell regeneration stuff that my colleagues are funding will help me out in the year to come.
As for potential alternative New Year’s songs to work with, there is an unfortunate dearth of options. Unlike Christmas, which is full of good music that everyone knows, New Year’s has been left in the dust. There is, of course, Barry Manilow’s Just Another New Year’s Eve, but I deemed that too depressing; plus it has become remarkably unhip to admit you know the words to Barry Manilow songs. There’s also Dan Fogelberg’s Just Another Auld Lang Syne; you remember–the one that starts, “I met my old lover in the grocery store…” Had to ding that one for being entirely too, shall we say, wussy.
There’s Snoop Dogg’s New Year’s Eve, but that’s probably just a little too hip for my readership who are unlikely to know the tune; plus, how can you improve on lyrics like, “11:59 and not a second later; She’s staying in the mix, like a crossfader; It’s about to go down, no elevator.”
There are, of course, classics like Bing Crosby’s Let’s Start the New Year Right and Nat King Cole’s Happy New Year, but they are pretty downbeat for a sentiment that is supposed to propel you happily into 2012. Even Abba wrote a Happy New Year song that is about as cheerful as lump of coal in a kid’s Christmas stocking. Seriously, Abba, we count on you for dopey upbeat stuff; you let us down; stick with Waterloo.
While there are other New Year’s tunes, none are as well-known as Auld Lang Syne. We all know the tune. We all know the lyrics, even though we have no idea what they actually mean (note: Auld Lang Syne does not mean Happy New Year). Plus what I wrote last year is still current given the strange state of the venture capital field.
As I’ve written before, it’s tough out there in VC-land. During 2011 many healthcare funds called it quits or at least cut back, shedding partners like a Winter coat when Spring rolls around. It is hard to watch in many ways. Although it’s difficult to argue there was a lot of unspecific money chasing a lot of not-so-great deals for a while, I think we are beginning to swing to the other side of the pendulum. At a time when our healthcare system needs nothing more than an infusion of innovation fueled by cash dedicated for that purpose, money is tightening and entrepreneurs are finding it tough to get their companies off the ground. We are beginning to export entrepreneurship at a time when we need jobs and creativity to reinvigorate our economy. Hopefully the powers that be will start acting in ways that reverse this syndrome.
So here it is: my post from last year. I hope you all have a Happy New Year!
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The song Auld Lang Syne is traditionally sung at the stroke of midnight each New Years Eve; however, in Scotland, where Auld Lang Syne originates, it is also sung on Burns Night, January 25th, to celebrate the life of the song’s author and famous poet Robert Burns. The words ‘Auld Lang Syne’ literally translates from old Scottish dialect meaning ‘Old Long Ago’ and is about love and friendship in times past. For me, it conjured up reminiscences of venture deals past….
Old Venture Deals (sung to the tune of Auld Lang Syne)
Should old valuations be forgot?
Just give me a sign.
Should old stock options be repriced,
And new plan be designed?
Old venture deals, my friend, old venture deals,
We’ll pay for old mistakes we made,
In old venture deals!
But surely you’ll buy your share and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we’ll get some new investors yet,
Before the cash deadline.
Old venture deals, my friend, old venture deals,
We’ll pay for old mistakes we made,
In old venture deals!
We too have learned how hard it is to make incentives align;
But we’ve come up with new formulas,
That meet SEC guidelines.
Old venture deals, my friend, old venture deals,
We’ll pay for old mistakes we made,
In old venture deals!
And yes, we’ve hired new CEOs, and hoped that they’d be fine;
And prayed for ease in transition,
Now the last one has resigned.
Old venture deals, my friend, old venture deals,
We’ll pay for old mistakes we made,
In old venture deals!
And there’s returns, my trusty friend, and IRR’s divine!
And we’ll find a way to great outcomes,
And exit in sunshine.
Old venture deals, my friend, old venture deals,
We’ll pay for old mistakes we made,
In old venture deals!
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